Valentine's Day, also known as "Singles' Awareness Day", is a day of duct taping a note to the head of a person who lacks a partner that says "HEY YOU'RE SINGLE!"
It's a brutal reminder, but that's because having a relationship is regarded as a golden prize in this society, while being single is regarded as an over flooded latrine in society.
In reality though, it's actually pretty damn awesome to be single!
Here is a list of a few benefits you can enjoy while being single on this pathetically media-sponsored day of of love:
It's a brutal reminder, but that's because having a relationship is regarded as a golden prize in this society, while being single is regarded as an over flooded latrine in society.
In reality though, it's actually pretty damn awesome to be single!
Here is a list of a few benefits you can enjoy while being single on this pathetically media-sponsored day of of love:
1) No obligation to invent a slew of compliments that I mean half heartidly.
Unless you're as fake as a Barbie doll, (which by my guess means you'd probably prefer reading some some dumb news about Kim Kardashian instead of this Pure Conquest Blog anyway), compliments are rare in your dictionary. Gritting your teeth behind a fake smile as you tell someone "I really like your hair" just makes you feel like your skin is made out of plastic. I don't see the point in pulling a compliment out of my ass simply to try and make another person happy
Here's a tip in life: genuine compliments are random or based on achievement, not given to you just because it's a holiday like Valentine's Day or your birthday. Nine times out of ten, if you get a compliment, he/she is just sucking up and probably wants something.
Unless you're as fake as a Barbie doll, (which by my guess means you'd probably prefer reading some some dumb news about Kim Kardashian instead of this Pure Conquest Blog anyway), compliments are rare in your dictionary. Gritting your teeth behind a fake smile as you tell someone "I really like your hair" just makes you feel like your skin is made out of plastic. I don't see the point in pulling a compliment out of my ass simply to try and make another person happy
Here's a tip in life: genuine compliments are random or based on achievement, not given to you just because it's a holiday like Valentine's Day or your birthday. Nine times out of ten, if you get a compliment, he/she is just sucking up and probably wants something.
2) No expectation to make extravagant plans at a fancy restaurant tonight.
I don't like making plans. As the Joker from the Dark Knight says "I just do things." I'm a spur of the moment kind of guy and I hate feeling pressured to come up with organized schematics on how things are going to work out. Also, I prefer pizza and wings over anything fancy. A lot of those restaurants serve meals that are over-priced and under-portioned.
3) No embarrassingly trying to pretend I actually know what I'm ordering from a flower shop
This may just be a guy thing. but I name flowers by colors. I don't know anything about the plant species, nor do I plan on learning it. Needless to day, for me, picking out a bouquet is like picking out a music note for a deaf man.
I'm not dumb - I'm just ignorant about this sort of thing. I don't find it to be relevant. The last time I bought flowers was during my senior prom and I don't plan on making a stupid line like "yeah, the red ones" ever again.
Sure, I could learn about flowers, or I could just not buy them or give a rat's ass.
This may just be a guy thing. but I name flowers by colors. I don't know anything about the plant species, nor do I plan on learning it. Needless to day, for me, picking out a bouquet is like picking out a music note for a deaf man.
I'm not dumb - I'm just ignorant about this sort of thing. I don't find it to be relevant. The last time I bought flowers was during my senior prom and I don't plan on making a stupid line like "yeah, the red ones" ever again.
Sure, I could learn about flowers, or I could just not buy them or give a rat's ass.
4) No cutting cardboard and coloring with markers to make a lame ass homemade card, printing something off the Internet, or picking one up from CVS
Cards are just a waste of paper. I'm determined about that at this point. You read them once, keep them for some sort of sentimental value that you convince yourself the card actually has, find them under a stack of papers when you finally decide to clean your desk months later, then throw them all out. It's a pointless ritual and one you can avoid if you're single.
Cards are just a waste of paper. I'm determined about that at this point. You read them once, keep them for some sort of sentimental value that you convince yourself the card actually has, find them under a stack of papers when you finally decide to clean your desk months later, then throw them all out. It's a pointless ritual and one you can avoid if you're single.
5) No resisting my urge to gorge myself in delicious chocolate because I won't be saving it as a gift for someone else.
It's chocolate for me from me. I can eat the whole box if I want to. I don't have to give it to anyone. I don't have to share. It's mine.
By the way, high calories and blood sugar do outweigh headaches from nagging. By far.
It's chocolate for me from me. I can eat the whole box if I want to. I don't have to give it to anyone. I don't have to share. It's mine.
By the way, high calories and blood sugar do outweigh headaches from nagging. By far.
6) No facing under appreciation for working my ass off just to make this day "special."
It's happened before. Been there - done that. You try to impress a girl only to be either rejected or taken for granted. See, if you were in a relationship, you're basically expected (especially if you're a guy) to make Valentine's Day this big grand fiasco. Her expectations are high dude, and she'll be comparing this year to what you did in previous years.
Naturally, she'll be, not just hoping, but basically demanding, that this year is the best Valentine's yet (or at least of equal value to the previous year/s). You've got to top your game every year. Or you can just stay single and put a big middle finger up to that sh*t.
It's happened before. Been there - done that. You try to impress a girl only to be either rejected or taken for granted. See, if you were in a relationship, you're basically expected (especially if you're a guy) to make Valentine's Day this big grand fiasco. Her expectations are high dude, and she'll be comparing this year to what you did in previous years.
Naturally, she'll be, not just hoping, but basically demanding, that this year is the best Valentine's yet (or at least of equal value to the previous year/s). You've got to top your game every year. Or you can just stay single and put a big middle finger up to that sh*t.
7) No giving up playing video games or guitar for a forced day of appreciation
For the love of Poseidon, it's Tuesday. I'm not in the mood to go out. I'm feeling lazy. I just want to sit on the couch to jam out some chords and blow some headshots. Even if it was the weekend, I have better things to do. Besides, gifts should be given as a reward for doing something of Pure Conquest, not simply given.
8)Best of all, no hearing b*tching and complaining for not doing any of the above things.
Let's just say that out of all the things on my shopping list, Advil is not one of them. I'm just going to leave it at that.
Seriously, anyone that is feeling down today about NOT having a boyfriend/girlfriend needs to lighten up.
It seems that many single people only look at the benefits of being in a relationship, while over glancing the Pure Conquest list of benefits of being single.
Valentine's Day?
F*ck it! It's freedom day! Do whatever. You're friend who is stuck in a relationship can't.
Images: The Meta Picture, We Still Exist, Favim, FreeDating.co.uk, LOL Pix, Prank a Buddy, Sparx Mind, Funny-Pics.co
Let's just say that out of all the things on my shopping list, Advil is not one of them. I'm just going to leave it at that.
Seriously, anyone that is feeling down today about NOT having a boyfriend/girlfriend needs to lighten up.
It seems that many single people only look at the benefits of being in a relationship, while over glancing the Pure Conquest list of benefits of being single.
Valentine's Day?
F*ck it! It's freedom day! Do whatever. You're friend who is stuck in a relationship can't.
Images: The Meta Picture, We Still Exist, Favim, FreeDating.co.uk, LOL Pix, Prank a Buddy, Sparx Mind, Funny-Pics.co
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